LGBTQIA+ – Politics in Art

Ellen Willoughby
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Can art be a political statement?

2022 is the 50th anniversary of the first Pride March here in the UK. That kind of blows my mind as was happening before I was even born. Whilst we have made progress in ensuring equal rights and reducing stigma and the associated bullying, harassment, and assaults here in the UK it is definitely still a big issue that still needs campaigning about 50 years on.
So this year LGBTQIA+ month has a theme of art and politics. They have chosen 5 artists that represent different times and topics. These are Keith Haring, Doris Bragahm Hatt, Fire de Henriquez, Jean Michel Basquiet and Mark Aguhar.

Now I personally know very little about art. Do I like it yes/no? That is far as my mind goes when looking at art. So I thought I would google and have a look at some of these artists to learn a bit more about them.


#Doris Brabham Hatt (1890 – 1969)
Images of Doris’s artwork on google showed me what I would have thought were very modern-style paintings. Really would not have linked these to the early 20th Century (probably shows my ignorance of art history big time). I love the boldness, the bigness, and deceptive simplicity of many of her paintings.

Boats In Harbour by Doris Brabham-Hatt 1965

A couple that struck me are ones called ‘The Horses Mouth‘ and ‘Birthday‘. Doris spent her youth at various art colleges in the UK and spent time abroad in Vienna and Paris. I love the way she explains her paintings:

“Order had been bought out of chaos – that life, after all, is not so difficult as it seems. This will give you a sense of power and well-being as you study the picture”.

Wouldn’t it be good if life was like that? Doris was a socialist and feminist, a lesbian who lived with her partner, which was seen as scandalous by the society she lived in.

I think I would have liked to have a cup of tea with Doris, gone to her art classes, and voted for her when she stood as a political candidate in her local elections.


#Fiore de Henriquez (1921 – 2004)
Fiore was predominately is known for her sculptures of people. There are not many of the sculptures I saw that I particularly liked, although the ‘Portrait of Sara John’ is one I would enjoy in my lounge as a piece of art. A search for images of Fiore shows me a striking flamboyant androgynous-looking person. Indeed there is a biography called “Art & Androgyny – The life of Fiore de Henriquez” by Jan Marsh. A book I will be looking out for when I browse second-hand shops again in the future as their life has struck me as more interesting than the art itself. Having lived through WW2 whilst assisting Jewish refugees to safety, escaping through a toilet window whilst being interrogated and cooking pancakes for the Nazis, winning sculpture competitions only to have them destroyed because she was seen to be a woman (although hermaphrodite) and becoming a British citizen who went on to work with many famous people such as Oprah Winfrey. Fascinating indeed.


#Mark Aguhar (1987 – 2012)
It does not seem right that anyone who was born 10 years after me is now not with us anymore. Having died in 2012, only months away from finishing their arts degree, Mark has left a lasting impression as an American activist, writer, and multimedia artist. Topics included gender, race, and beauty.

https://markaguhar.tumblr.com/post/18425566333

This quote I found on Wikipedia from Mark captures the essence and the importance of art and politics. Why it matters that everyone is able to be represented in order to create a harmonious world where everyone is accepted and ‘normal’ is not defined by the press, politicians, law, or religions.


“My work is about visibility. My work is about the fact that I’m a genderqueer person of color fat femme fag feminist and I don’t really know what to do with that identity in this world. It’s that thing where you grew up learning to hate every aspect of yourself and unlearning all that misery is really hard to do. It’s that thing where you kind of regret everything you’ve ever done because it’s so complicit with white hegemony. It’s that thing where you realize that your own attempts at passive-aggressive manipulation and power don’t stand a chance against the structural forms of domination against your body. It’s that thing where the only way to cope with the reality of your situation is to pretend it doesn’t exist; because flippancy is a privilege you don’t own but you’re going to pretend you do anyway.” — Mark Aguhar

The saying ‘art reflects society’ fits perfectly here, and I think it’s really important we recognise that the experiences of these artists and their contemporaries who also identified as LGBTQIA+ were not the same experiences as other people who did not identify this way.

For more info about LGTB+ History Month check out the website.

And for more info about the artists check out the references below.

REFERENCES:

https://lgbtplushistorymonth.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Factsheet-1-Doris-Brabham-Hatt.jpg

https://artuk.org/discover/artists/hatt-doris-brabham-18901969

https://artuk.org/discover/artists/de-henriquez-fiore-19212004

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Aguhar

https://markaguhar.tumblr.com/archive

Blog pic

LGBTQIA+ aka The Alphabet People

Ellen Willoughby
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What do all these letters mean?

A good question that no one can confirm!

In the good ole days, I joined the LGB social group at university. Since then it has grown to the commonly used acronym LGBTQIA+. There are a load of other acronyms that are now used too including my favourite QUILTBAG, then others such as MOGAI, and LGBTQQIP2SAA SAGA. So what on earth do all the letters mean, who decides on the acronyms and what should you use?

A spoonful of alphabet spaghetti spelling the word "love"

So what do they mean?

Good question, and whilst not 100% agreed on across the globe (I mean what is 100% agreed on nowadays?) here is a rundown for you:

L – Lesbian
G – Gay
B – Bi-sexual
T – Trans
Q – Queer
I – Intersex
A – Asexual
+ – anything else that is not classed as Cis-gender heterosexual

QUILTBAG coined by Sadie Lee in a 2006 Diva Magazine interview (so the internet says) is an acronym that aligns with my sense of humor (hey hunni are you a QUILTBAG too?) and basically means the following:

Q – Queer or Questioning
U – Undecided
I – Intersex
L – Lesbian
T – Trans or 2Spirit
B – Bisexual
A – Asexual or Allies
G – Gay or Genderqueer

The other letters in the longer acronyms often used mean the following:

P – Pansexual
2 – Two-spirit
SA – Straight Allies
P – Polyamorous
H – HIV infected
O – Other
N – Non-binary

And finally, MOGAI stands for Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignments, and Intersex, for all those wondering.

Who decides what the alphabet soup is?

The answer is simply no one. It is whoever is writing, talking, marketing, and so forth at the time. There is no overarching organisation or person in charge that decided the letters and their meaning. This of course causes an incredible amount of debate about what should be included or excluded and what the letters themselves mean and if the right terminology or definition is used across Quora, Reddit, and other similar places on the web and beyond.

For me personally, I like the term Queer as an overarching term for all gender and sexual minorities. I do however acknowledge it is a loaded term due to historic usage and still has negative connotations as a consequence. I also like the acronym QUILTBAG. Once again I acknowledge it does not include a P for Pansexual or Polyamorous, 2 for 2spirit, etc etc etc and some people may object to being referred to as a quilted bag, but hey, no acronym is perfect it seems!

MOGI on the other hand seems to be perfectly descriptive of everyone in the LGBTQIA+ spectrum and is not problematic. It is not used regularly enough for most people to know what it means at this moment in time though, so I’m happy to publicise the term in the hope that it spreads.

So what should you use?

Well as someone who does not get offended easily, or well hardly at all, I don’t really care what you use. I don’t care what you identify as and what term you use to describe me or my fellow LGBTQIA+ humans. The reason I don’t care is that for me it is all about intention. You call me queer with a negative intention with homophobia, hate, and anger behind it then that sucks and will potentially cause myself and others harm. If you call me queer and it is done with a warm, loving, kind, or humorous intention then that’s cool in my view.

I also don’t care how you identify. I have been bullied for being bi-sexual by people identifying as straight, gay, and lesbian. A gay person could easily use the term bi-sexual in a hate-filled way the same as a straight person. It is not the words, but the intention it is used with that counts.

This is slightly problematic as how can you know what my intention is unless you can read my mind? (sure hope you can’t – very weird in here!). So in the interest of world harmony, I would recommend you use the standard LGBTQIA+ as that is currently what people tend to use around the world – it is easily identifiable and seems to be mainly inoffensive and accepted. However please ensure your intent is always positive and not derogatory or hate-filled in any way – that way you and others are more likely to feel much better about the words that you speak, type, and act upon.

For more information on this subject check out the references.

REFERENCES
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/QUILTBAG#cite_note-1

LGBTQ+ History Month 1: Fancy getting stoned anyone?

Ellen Willoughby
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Be LGBT in the wrong country and you can get stoned for free…

So here we are again. Another year. Another LGBT+ History Month. But who cares right? History is in the past after all and it is where we are now and it’s going into the future that matters right? Yeah, I get that. Always good to focus on what we can do to make things better, to improve ourselves, and educate others so they can improve themselves. At the same time, it is very useful to know what things were like in the past. History does seem to repeat itself so it is educational for all, not just kids at school.

And as a bi-sexual woman, I can safely say that I am very glad I was born in the 70s and not beforehand as quite frankly being LGBT sucked as I was growing up here in the UK, but it would have been way worse if I had been born any earlier, so for that, I am grateful. So here is a potted history of the past few centuries in the UK as far as I know it…

  • 1533 – The Buggery Act made male homosexuality kind of hard (pun intended) as sodomy aka anal sex was was made illegal. Conviction punishable by death.
  • 1861 – Changed from a death sentence to minimum of 10 years in prison for sodomy. The irony is not lost on me given the ‘don’t bend over to get the soap’ jokes about males in prison!
  • 1885 – Now ANY homosexual act between males is considered illegal even in private. They also tried to introduce female homosexuality as a thing to be discriminated and punished for but luckily (for me) they decided it wasn’t a big thing and they didn’t want to encourage females to explore it by publicising it as part of the Criminal Law Amendment Act.
  • 1957 – Wolfenden Report basically said that homosexual acts in private should no longer be a criminal offence – but don’t celebrate yet as it didn’t become law until……
  • 1967 – Homosexual Acts between two men over 21 in private was finally decriminalised in England. Took another couple of decades for Scotland and Northern Ireland to follow suite in 1980 and 1981 though.
  • 1988 – Good ole Maggie Thatcher then decided it was a good idea to not promote homosexuality to kids and banned local authorities promoting or funding anything to do with LGBT issues. Thanks to Maggie kids like me did not get to learn about LGBT issues in school and could not get support needed to deal with the bullying, discrimination and harassment you often get for being LGBT.
  • 2003 – It took a long time to get the legislation repealed and an apology was given by David Cameron in 2009 – to little to late but I will take it none the less.
  • 2004 – Same-sex couples can get ‘married’ – or as close as possible to it anyway in legal terms
  • 2010 – The Equality Act gave LGBT employees protection from discrimination, harassment and victimisation at work. How on earth this took so insanely long to become law is beyond me as being bullied, sacked or worse for your sexuality seriously sucks (understatement I am aware)
  • 2013 – Marriage is finally an option for same-sex couples – about blooming time! Scotland follows suit in 2014 and Northern Ireland in 2020 – better late than never eh!

So yes being LGBT in the UK has not been a great thing to be in general. Aside from the death penalty or decades in prison, there has been bullying, discrimination, harassment, sackings, assaults, murders among general homophobia and non-acceptance.

People who are LGBT in the UK have no choice but to live in a society where many people do not understand or respect them, simply because of who they love and are attracted to, and so they either have to live with this or live a life which is a lie.

On a positive note for people who live in the UK, there are many great things about being LGBT here compared to other counties around the world. Generally speaking, you can get the support you need for physical and mental health, you can work, marry and generally live your life freely, no matter who you are. In other countries such as the ones listed below, you can still receive the death penalty for basically being who you are, which is never acceptable.

  • Afghanistan
  • Brunei (death by stoning)
  • Iran
  • Mauritania (death by stoning)
  • Nigeria (death by stoning)
  • Pakistan (death by stoning)
  • Qatar (death by stoning)
  • Saudi Arabia
  • Somalia
  • United Arab Emirates
  • Yemen

Now I highlighted the countries that still carry out stoning to death as quite frankly the idea that this is still a ‘thing’ is horrendous to me. What a barbaric idea! Someone has “committed a crime” so we are going to get family members, neighbours, and local people to come and throw heavy stones, which you can’t avoid as you are buried in sand to make sure you are an easy target, and you then die a slow, painful death. It’s not even like they get a chance to prove their innocence, or that it’s regulated in any way – not that would make it OK, but still. It’s barbaric and beyond comprehension why anyone would do this to another human being ever.

So to summarise – LGBT history month is still needed as long as anybody in the world can be killed for being LGBT. As long as the death penalty exists, as long as discrimination, harassment, inequality in the workplace and society in general exists, we need to have LGBT history month. I look forward to the time when we do not need LGBT history month and I never have to write a blog like this ever again.

You can do your bit in helping support the LGBT community by

1) sharing this blog via your social media
2) by heading over to https://lgbtplushistorymonth.co.uk/ where there a plenty of resources available for schools, workplaces, and other organisations. You can support the charity by donating or buying badges etc from their shop too.

REFERENCES
https://www.bl.uk/lgbtq-histories/articles/a-short-history-of-lgbt-rights-in-the-uk
https://www.bl.uk/lgbtq-histories
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_LGBT_history_in_the_United_Kingdom
https://www.humandignitytrust.org/lgbt-the-law/map-of-criminalisation/?type_filter=death_pen_applies
https://aninjusticemag.com/what-happens-in-a-typical-stoning-7437a349fb5

More Facemasks Anyone?

Ellen Willoughby
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Perhaps a slightly odd title given it is technically ‘Freedom Day’ here in the UK? Perhaps not so much…

Despite today being called ‘Freedom Day’, here at The Harmonious Hub we are still retaining much caution. We have all been double jabbed – yes. We will continue to work from home – yes. We take the home tests weekly – yes. However, we still want to maintain caution due to the exponentially increasing number of infections and hospitalisations rising here in the UK.

After all, COVID can cause short-term illness at best, long COVID, and death at worst. None of us want any of those here at The Harmonious Hub, and we want to protect our family, friends, and society at large as best we can.

Luckily we have access to a wide range of facemasks here at The Harmonious Hub that make wearing them less uuuurgh! They come in a range of pretty designs… Personally, I am wearing the pink hearts design this past week. What I notice about these facemasks is that they are really comfortable to wear. They have toggles on the ear hooks that mean you can make it the right size for your face. They also help prevent my glasses from steaming up due to the flexible nose ridge. More importantly, they come with changeable and insertable PM2.5 filters that help keep away airborne contaminants (like COVID). The face masks themselves are washable too for that extra feel-safe feeling.

Yes, we know that no facemask is going to 100% protect anyone from everything. We do however firmly believe that they help reduce the spread of coughs, colds, and COVID. We will therefore happily wear them for as long as we feel necessary.

If you feel like us and are going to keep on wearing face masks and would like to jazz up your collection then please do browse our face mask page.

Mental Health and Productivity

Ellen Willoughby
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It is all very well having systems in place to help you be more productive, but what happens when you are not able to follow them? Mental health and productivity are intrinsically linked …

Mental health affects us all. We all have a brain and inside that sits our mind, and it can go wrong occasionally. Whether that is depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder there are many mental health issues that can affect any of us at any time.

“When they occur, our productivity can take a dive!” 

So how do we deal with it? First and foremost, self-care is key. If you need to go to a doctor to get medication to help you through the issues, then go. If you need a break from work, then take one. If you need time away, then do it. If you need to spend time with family and friends, then organise it.

Secondly, if you can delegate or delay any work then do so. It helps if you have people around you to do that. For those of us who are self-employed that can be more difficult. However, you can hire virtual assistants, call handlers, and associates to take the workload off you while you take time to recover.

Take time to learn some positive coping mechanisms:

  • Talking therapy – very useful to help learn key skills and deal with any issues that could be contributing towards the mental health issue
  • Meditation – helped people for centuries to de-stress, which helps improve mental health
  • Exercise – great for lifting the mood and making us healthier in general
  • Socialising – when we have mental health issues it is tempting to hide away. Friends and family can really help or other social groups such as specialist mental health groups

Although mental health can affect your productivity, it doesn’t have to stop it in its tracks. Implementing one or all of the four points above, in little steps, could make a real difference and start you back on the road to what you consider to be normal productivity levels for you.

“Would you like to know more?”

If you’d like to find out more about mental health and productivity then do email me at talktome@theharmonioushub.co.uk or give me a call on 0116 442649 and let’s see how I can help you.

Until next time …

We are all a little bit racist

We Are All ‘A Little Bit Racist’ Aren’t We?

Ellen Willoughby
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Has anyone else seen Avenue Q? It is the adult version of The Muppets. When I say adult there are quite a few scenes and songs that… well errr put it this way no child should ever see (think muppets doing the karma sutra on stage 😂 ). I went to see the show about 3 years ago and loved it.

The events of the past few days have made me think of it again. Not because I have a thing for muppet porn I hasten to add, but due to one song called “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist”. The song can be seen at the end of this blog and the words go something like this…

Everyone’s a little bit racist, sometimes.

Doesn’t mean we go around committing hate crimes.

Look around and you will find,

No one’s really color-blind.

Maybe it’s a fact we all should face.

Everyone makes judgments…based on race.

And I for one think those lyrics are spot on. Race is a sociopolitical phenomenon rather than a biological one. We are all brought up in our own areas of the world with our own form of racism. Doesn’t matter what colour skin we have, where we were raised, where we live now, or who our friends are, as the song goes on to state “Bigotry has never been exclusively white”. Racism exists across the world.

We may think we have friends from loads of countries and backgrounds but it does not mean we are not racist. How many of us have made or laughed in the past at race-based jokes, made judgments based on stereotypes, made assumptions because of someone’s skin colour? If we are honest, we ALL have. It is the way of the world, as sad as that may be.

So as much as I personally accept myself and everyone I know is a little bit racist, does it mean that I or (hopefully) anyone I know:

  • Call people names because of it?
  • Beat people up because of it?
  • Rape people because of it?
  • Vandalise property because of it?
  • Not employ people because of it?
  • Not have certain friends because of it?
  • Not go to certain areas of the world because of it?
  • Think people should be persecuted because of it?
  • Think people should be discriminated against because of it?
  • Think people should be separated into different areas because of it?
  • Think people should be displaced because of it?
  • Think we should go to war because of it?
  • Think people should join a racist based political party due to it?
  • Think people should spew hate based social media posts because of it?

No. No. No and NO.

Yes, we all make mistakes when dealing with other people. I know I have mucked up, learnt why and attempted to not do that again.

So yes we are all a little bit racist thanks to the world we live in. But that does not mean we have to act upon that in a negative way that harms others.

EVERYONE is an individual. And whilst race plays a part in our social upbringing as does religion, geography, sex, gender, and so on, it does not define us or anyone else unless we choose to let it. We can choose not to go with views that are discriminatory and cause us to carry out negative actions of body, speech, and mind.

EVERYONE is human and deserves to live a life free from discrimination and all the abuse and harm that comes from that.

Personally, I am glad that there has been such a loud outcry about the racist abuse of the players that has occurred since Sunday’s football match. Abuse like this simply should not be tolerated. The more we come together and speak as one to make it clear that this kind of abuse is no longer acceptable in our society then maybe, just maybe, things will change.

But perhaps, being optimistic, the fact that there has been such a loud and united condemnation of this racist behaviour is a sign that things are already changing for the better.

And for a final bit of humour to end a difficult topic on…here is the Avenue Q song I have been referring to – enjoy and have a harmonious day all.

A New Furry Adventure

Ellen Willoughby
Posted on

Owning another sentient being is a weird concept I find. How can I own any other Human or Animal?  So as I have recently become the official ‘my name is on the microchip’ owner of two adorable kittens I am still adjusting to the idea! 


Our bundles of joy arrived nearly 3 weeks ago in our household. Both myself and my partner have grown to adore these little balls of mischief and mayhem quickly. 😸

Wade and Bimini survey their new realm


They are so tiny and cute. Their individual personalities already forming. Wade is the more adventurous, whilst Bimini is the feisty one. Wade was named after Deadpool by my partner and Bimini was named after a finalist on Drag Race UK by me. Both already responding to their names pleased to say. 


As someone who has not been the primary caretaker of pets before it was a daunting prospect. Would I be able to handle them and would they like their new home?  🤷🏼‍♀️ Turns out the answer is yes to both questions. 


They are boisterous being two brothers, yet also very cuddly cats. It is fun attempting to work with them around. My clients and family regularly see them in video calls as they love my Mac for some reason. Cable covers have had to be bought, with fairy lights and other delicate items taken out of reach too. 

Yes, it is a long-term commitment and yes it is scary when I find them jumping off insanely high bannister rails, not cheap either with vets bills and food (plus of course all the wonderful toys we have bought for them to ignore!). 


I wouldn’t change them for anything though. They bring fun and joy into my life and my heart. Without knowing it, they are helping improve my mental well being too. Having to care, feed, water, and cuddle them on demand is no easy task but one I am loving. Looking after them really does improve my mood and I look forward to cuddle times with them every moment they deem it acceptable 😹 


So overall pet ownership has been a positive experience so far. Although after 3 weeks I think they might be the ones owning us after all! 

Love Is Love

Love Is Love

Ellen Willoughby
Posted on

When I started to date as a teenager back in the early ’90s, life was pretty simple.  Me and a boy walking hand in hand down the street, maybe making out in the park.  Simples.  Then when I started to date girls as well, things were not so simple.  We could not hold hands or we would get called names or worse, beaten up.  Hell no to the idea of making out in the park if we didn’t want an audience who were either overly appreciative of watching girls make out or incredibly hostile – both equally as dangerous.

Love Is Love
Photo by Yoav Hornung on Unsplash

So when a couple of years ago I was with family for a few days, Pride month was all over the news and they said ‘why can’t you just get on with it – no need for all this pride stuff’ I had to explain the above to them.  As a heterosexual straight couple they could go out hand in hand but as a bi-sexual female, I could not with my girlfriend.  Unequal at best, dangerous and life-threatening at worst. 

 
That is why we need Pride for all LGBTQIA+ people.  Whilst some of the world do not agree with the idea that love equals love, no matter who, no matter what gender, sex, sexuality, colour, race, or religion we will always need Pride.  


Homophobia, Transphobia, Biphobia, the list, unfortunately, goes on.  I personally do not get it.  Along with racism, sexism, and all other discriminatory points of view.  I simply do not get the hate and violence that happens in this world.  To me, everyone is human.  Everyone, therefore, is equally deserving of love, compassion and to be able to live out their lives in peace. 


At the end of the day, we all want to be happy.  Happiness does not come from holding negative and discriminatory views of others.  Happiness does not come from hurting others physically or emotionally.  Happiness for ourselves and others only comes from practicing kindness and holding a mind of compassion for all.  When we hold these minds, we just want everyone to be happy and do what we can to help make that happen. 

This is what creates a #harmoniousworld. 

Don't see red over people not following COVID rules

How to deal with people who are not following COVID rules

Ellen Willoughby
Posted on

Force them to stay at home….put them in prison….fine them….punch them…..make them work in a COVID ward or funeral home….send them to live in a country where there is no option but to follow the rules and see how they like that….don’t worry, they are all stupid and will kill themselves off by not following the rules….

All ideas I have either heard of or thought over the past year. Not the most positive thoughts to be thinking I’m sure you agree!

Don't see red over people not following COVID rules
Don’t see red over people not following COVID rules

I was speaking with a usually positive, bubbly, happy friend last week. She has family who are shielding and at great risk from COVID. She said she was feeling a lot of anger towards all the people who were partying in groups over Xmas and New Year and are still walking around town without masks and not social distancing.

We had a chat about this as anger is an emotion that becomes draining and tiring. It also makes us more likely to be irritable and snappy at others and who wants that?

At the end of the chat she said she actually felt her anger reduce and she felt like she had a way of dealing with issue in a more constructive way. She also encouraged me to write a blog on it, hence why I am writing this now, just in case it helps you deal with it too.

So what did we talk about?

  1. People are afraid. When people are afraid they react in many different ways. Some will have stayed at home as a result of the fear of COVID and the resulting illness and death that can occur due to it. Others will have reacted to the fear by ignoring the lockdown rules. There are also some who will have ignored the situation, and others decided it is all false as a way of dealing with their fear of the uncontrollable. No matter what the behaviour is, I am sure a lot of it is driven by fear at this moment in time. Fear is a horrible emotion and drives us to do things we would not normally do.
  2. Compassion for everyone. When people are suffering, whether that be physically or mentally, the only response is compassion. Having contemplated this deeply over the past few months, I came to conclusion that living in fear is very traumatising for all concerned. When a child is fearful, we want to comfort them, to stop their fear. We often feel the same towards those we love. It is more difficult for those we don’t like or disagree with. Yet they are still experiencing fear, negativity, anger and therefore suffering. It is completely appropriate to feel compassion for everyone, even if we do not agree with their actions.
  3. Everything always changes. Nothing ever stays the same. This applies to everything from the planets climate, a country’s government or an individual person. COVID will not always be around. The vaccines are our light in the tunnel at this moment in time. In a few years, I hope and pray, we will have all moved on. Lockdowns and masks will be a distant memory. The anger we feel right now will also have changed. There will be something new to get angry about. After all, we are not likely to find the world becomes a utopia any time soon. So why not work on the mind of anger and get rid of that, instead of being swayed by whatever external circumstances get thrown at us next? Wouldn’t it be much better to be in control of the only thing we can control, our mind, than try to control what we cannot?

So, what do you think of these 3 ideas to help reduce your anger towards all those not following COVID lockdown rules? Can you see the logic in them? Or maybe not so much?

They do take some contemplation time. I sometimes combine contemplation with a meditation session. Using a breathing meditation to clear my mind I am then able to contemplate these ideas without getting so caught up in the anger or other negative emotions. When I am walking around day to day I can use these ideas to reduce any annoyance or irritation I feel to reduce the likelihood of the anger getting out of control in my mind.

It won’t stop people not wearing masks, travelling to the seaside or having an illegal rave in a nearby field. It will however help make our mind more peaceful and ourselves more pleasant to be around. As we are stuck in lockdown for a few more weeks we might as well make it a less angry one for ourselves and others (or that is what keeps me focused on not letting the anger erupt anyways!)

But where do I start with meditation you might be thinking? Well a good place to start is by using the massive resource called YouTube as thousands of meditations available for free. I do aim to add a couple of my own – it is on the to-do list! Alternatively, there is an online ‘Learn to Meditate’ half-day course happening here in the UK on 23rd January. Click here for more information and to sign up. Let me know how you get on with it and sign up to our newsletter below for blogs like this direct to your inbox:

What is world aids day?

World AIDS Day: Being HIV aware with Gen Orsi from Channel 5

Ellen Willoughby
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What is World AIDS Day?
On 1st December, as every 1st December since 1988, it’s International World AIDS Day. Here at The Harmonious Hub, we wish to join the fight against the misinformation around HIV and show our support to those living with it, or mourning loved ones they’ve lost because of it. For more information on what HIV is and how it differs from AIDS, please see the NHS website.

The virus was only identified in 1984 and it’s estimated that it’s killed 35 million people since then. There are a further 38 million living with the condition. No wonder World AIDS Day was the first ever global health day.

Yes, there have been leaps forward thanks to scientific advancements, but with 4,450 people being diagnosed every single year with HIV in the UK alone, we can’t forget that this remains one of the most destructive pandemics in history. Millions of people are still living with, not only the effects of the condition itself, but also the prejudice it still brings.

We’re joined today by a woman who’s all about fighting discrimination, encouraging education and increasing awareness. And never one to suppress another’s character, please be warned this interview contains words that may offend. Should you wish to be sent a toned-down version to read instead, don’t hesitate to get in contact.

Ellen: With colourful language and always to the point, here’s Gen Orsi, presenter of Channel 5’s ‘Lesbians Guide to Straight Sex’ and queer sexual health advocate. Hello!

Gen: Hello, it’s great to be here.

Ellen: So – being told you’re HIV positive. Will it lead to AIDS? Is it still a death sentence?

Gen: Not at all. If you medicate it correctly you can lead a full, healthy and productive life – the immunosuppressants are so effective. If taken as recommended, you could test negative for HIV and not pass the viral load onto others. Undetectable = untransmittable. Also, with things like the PrEP trial available now, HIV is far from the death sentence it used to be.

Ellen: What’s the situation like now with the medication to prevent HIV?

Gen: The NHS finally gave in to doing the PrEP trial in 2017. People were getting it privately, anyway. The anti-HIV drugs save the NHS so much money compared to the cost of treating HIV. It’s unfortunate it was brought in on a trial basis, not a long-term basis. But at least now that’s changed and the government announced on the 1st October that councils have uncapped grants to roll it out.

It’s a relief as there was a lot of sensationalism around the trial. An unethical coverage of the subject by the tabloid press. ‘The children with cancer aren’t getting their medication because the gays are bumming and getting PrEP.’ I think it slowed the uptake of the PrEP trial.

 A shame as it’s definitely very effective. It’s a real success story, as far as medication is concerned, but it’s not as widely used as it should be. There should be more knowledge shared about it.

What really blows my mind is that I am a woman that only has sex with women, and yet I can go to my GP and get offered a million types of contraceptive pills. Whereas if I’m a man who has sex with a man and I go to my GP with suspected STDs, even having had group sex with men, I will not necessarily always be offered PrEP.

Ellen: Disgusting really.

Gen: Yep. We are the queer community; therefore, our health outcomes have to be lesser than the heterosexuals’. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we’re worthless. Still, thank God for the UN’s AIDS 90-90-90 target.

What is the 90-90-90 target?

In 2014, the UN Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) announced ambitious new global targets which build on its ‘Getting to Zero’ strategy and aim to end the HIV epidemic by 2030.

  • 90 per cent of people living with HIV will know their HIV status
  • 90 per cent of people diagnosed with HIV will receive antiretroviral treatment
  • 90 per cent of people on treatment will have suppressed viral loads

See website for more details here

With 59% living with undetectable levels of the virus, they’re not at the 73% hoped by the end of 2020, but that’s no doubt in part due to COVID-19

Ellen: It’s been a rough year. Do you know how COVID has affected people with HIV?

Gen: Frustratingly, there’s not going to be any reliable data available for that until it’s all blown over. Because, right now, we’re in a place where we’re just collecting it. We need to wait for the event to have finished, watch a few more months pass, and then we can compare numbers to see the effect.

There are early modelling indicators showing some countries saw a downturn of the uptake of PrEP by 20%. There were reports that people ran out of, or chose food over, the medication during the 90-day lockdown. But it’s too early for reliable raw data that we can turn into something meaningful.

To my mind, the answer will be quite obvious, though. We’re no longer able to access sexual health clinics. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to do one of those at-home STD testing kits? But to test for HIV, you have a little finger pricker that you have to use to fill up this beaker with blood.

With that finger pricker I found it impossible!

If you can fill up that tube using that kit, I want to meet you. Pick up your technique.

So not only is the testing difficult to access. Even when you do, it’s hard. Just the practicality of it: to fill up the jar and do the test reliably. With less testing, one would assume we’ll discover there will be higher transmissions and therefore a higher prevalence.

Ellen: What would you recommend as the best ways to cutting the transmission risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) in heterosexual and homosexual relationships?

Gen: Use condoms, and I don’t just mean for your vagina and your anus; I’m talking about oral sex, as well. Be honest. Have conversations. God, there is nothing sexier than someone asking me before we fuck, ‘When did you last get tested?’

I understand that it can be awkward to have these conversations, but if that’s not in your comfort zone, you don’t have to have the conversation face-to-face. If you feel more comfortable, you could do it via WhatsApp, for example.

Ellen: I’ve heard people who don’t sleep with men say that they can’t get sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s) beyond thrush. What do you have to say about this?

Gen: This both frustrates me and scares me because, as you know, I’ve had this before in my sex life. It’s really frustrating that as women, our sexuality is not taken seriously unless there’s a dick involved.

There’s women-to-women transmission of STDs. There’s male-to-male transmission of STDs. There’s male-to-women and women-to-male transmission of STDs. STDs don’t care what gender they’re going between; they just care that there’s bodily fluid and a route for transmission. 

Ellen: Would you say HIV is still a risk factor though in women-to-women partnering? I mean, I think there’s been, what, six cases, all with other factors involved – other things that could have been the route of transmission.

Gen: It depends how much fluid-swapping is going on. Squirting. Swallowing. I’d never say never.

Ellen: Do you think regular STD testing is important regardless of whether you’re single or in any sort of relationship? Or is a trusting monogamous relationship the exception?

Gen: I think every time you have a new sexual partner you should be getting tested. I think if you’re in a monogamous relationship and you don’t think you or your partner have had new partners, but you have symptoms, you should be getting tested.

Ellen: Is non-monogamy only for people who love a lot of sex?

Gen: No! God, I’m – well, until a few days ago, actually – but I was in a poly relationship. Jesus fucking Christ! There is much more talking and communication than there is fucking.

There’s no correlation between the amount of people you’re sleeping with and the amount of sex that you’re having. Because it takes so much communication to get to a point in the relationship where you can open it up. There’s not even that much time left for fucking, to be honest.

Ellen: To some, non-monogamy can sound complicated; some may even think a recipe for disaster. Do you think this is true, and what would you say to those people?

And if you want to hear how Gen answers that question, tune in for her next blog post all about non-monogamy and polyamory. Why not sign up below so as to be sure not to miss it?

Gen Orsi is the presenter of Channel 5’s ‘Lesbians Guide to Straight Sex’. You can catch up on both series here on My5. She’s also a queer sexual health advocate waiting to be found on Instagram at gen.orsi